Newt Gingrich believes you should be murdered for having 2 ounces of weed on you
Yep, I said that right. Newt Gingrich tried to pass a bill in 1996 that would seek the death penalty for a person who is caught with two ounces of marijuana on them. The bill, called “Drug Importer Death Penalty Act of 1996″ is an oldie but a goodie; vintage Newt.
My favorite part is that it’s common knowledge among pundits and those in the loop that Gingrich smoked weed, at least at one point in his life. He conveniently excuses this stating that you know, that’s just how the country was at that time, you know, and stuff. Bro, that’s just how things have been in this country since then as well–that is to say, people still enjoy smoking marijuana… Newt just quit because he started a political career and we know those two things mix as well as he and Mitt at a cocktail party.
Americans are looking to Newt now as the Republican front runner, which is scary enough. The fact that he would actually even conceive of putting someone to death for having pot is just old fashioned crazy. Crazy like internment camps and gas chambers. And it’s mean. Mean like leaving your wife when you find out she has cancer.
So is Newt just inherently evil? Or does he just need to take a giant bong rip? I feel pretty sure we’d all have liked the stoner Newt from the 1960s more than the Freddie Mac lobbyist Newt Gingrich of today. You know you’ve got some self-flagellating to do when Jack Abramoff says you’re bad news. I mean, really.
So is the death penalty for marijuana something we can look forward to if Newt wins the general election in 2012? Maybe, maybe not. But we can certainly expect that it will mean he’ll put the kibosh on any ideas about responsible marijuana legislation and taxation, which is what this country needs not just to fight crime, but to keep our borders safe, stop illegal drug trade, buy American instead of illegally smuggled, and stop contributing to the arms trade to Mexico’s drug cartels.
Newt seems to be talking his way through lots of brick walls in order to get to the Oval Office–explaining failed marriages, now drug use, secret lobbying, and yes, even making that commercial with Nancy Pelosi!
Well, if things don’t work out don’t worry Newt–you can always spark one up and order a pizza from Herman Cain when you get the munchies. I’m sure Rick Perry will join you too–he can’t even remember what he’s campaigning for or against or where he is 50% of the time.
And like the rest of the country, you too will be able to say “What a long, strange trip it’s been” come November 2012. Until then, try not to kill anyone.
Do YOU think Newt Gingrich could pass a drug test? Tell me what you think!