Category Archives: urine drug test

Archer: drug testing taken as apathetically as we wish it could be

Posted on February 11, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment

If you haven’t yet caught an episode of Archer, I highly recommend it. Start from the beginning. But if you’re an old hand at Archer, you just gotta love the new episode that includes drug testing.

One online TV reviewer wrote: “Episode Synopsis: Cyril is promoted to field agent, and Malory institutes a strict drug-testing policy at ISIS. The staff doesn’t think much of either development.”

I love it. For those of you who don’t know, Cyril is the do-anything-to-keep-up-with-Archer’s-coolness character played by Chris Parnell (of Saturday Night Live fame.)

In this episode, no one gives a damn about Cyril’s promotion because he’s a know-it-all, and has the relationship with Lana (the show’s femme fatale) that Archer once had and is constantly trying to rekindle… albeit… in his own “Archer” kinda way.

But the best part is how nonchalantly everyone is about having to pass a drug test. Here’s a short but hilarious clip from the drug testing episode of Archer in which receptionist Pam “beat boxes” due to obvious circumstances:

If only we all had a workplace like this one. Passing a drug test would be easy… but dodging bullets would be hard. Meh, I’ll take literal bullet-dodging over trying to pass a drug test any day of the week!

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Daily Show FINALLY Airs Full Segment on Drug Testing Politicians!

Posted on February 4, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment

I have blogged about what  did to Governor Rick Scott already, but the full segment on the Daily Show finally aired! Glorious. At every turn, Mandvi takes on political figures and government officials, including Scott Plakon. With the eloquent use of his own brand of humor, he makes them look like the hypocrites they are for enforcing a welfare drug policy that mandates drug testing of John Q. Public when they themselves refuse to take a drug test.

In addition to outting the fact that they refuse to take drug tests, The Daily Show correspondent also expounds on the preposterousness of the entire law that requires people to pass a drug test for welfare. To wit, less than two percent (2%) of all potential welfare recipients tested to date have failed the drug test. So now you’re saying, “Right on, good for them, that’ll show ‘em!”

But here’s the downside: Welfare applicants must pay the $30 to be drug tested up front, but if they pass a drug test–which they have 98+ percent of the time, the state of Florida’s taxpayers must fork over the greenbacks to pay for the passing test takers. So far, this has lead NOT to saving money by having the state “support drug addicts,” but has instead cost the state more than $200,000. Now that’s a lot of drug test passing!

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I knew this would eventually happen, but it hasn’t hastened the pace of other states wanting to pass similar laws requiring those who need government aid to take a drug test. In a time when we’re all doing everything we can just to pay our taxes, and we’ve been saddled with the debt of the massive 2008 Wall Street Bailout, how can any state claim that such drug testing legislation will save anyone any money?

The only thing this kind of policy will do is drive an even larger wedge between blue and red states, Tea Partiers and 99 Percenters, rich and poor.

It’s already a breech of the fourth amendment that we have to be subjected to drug testing for employment, and that’s more than enough. The fact that we would have to scrape together $30 to pass a drug test while we’re already in the dumps just adds insult to injury.

Leave your comment below and let me know what you think of this–and of course, don’t miss out on this epic Daily Show segment!

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Posted in Marijuana in current events, passing a drug test, Uncategorized, urine drug test

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Passing a Drug Test for Weed: Where’s My Flux Capacitor?

Posted on January 28, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
pass a piss test

Time... is it on your side?

Man, this has been a great week for a lot of the people I see across various forums for passing a drug test. But, sadly, there have been a few who did not pass drug tests for weed, and this makes me wish I had a time machine for them.

It’s hard not to get emotionally invested when you have been tracking someone’s story for days or even weeks, and then you hear back from them, only to find they failed a drug test. *sigh*

If the US government won’t allow us to smoke weed the same way people get to drink booze without any issues, they should at least provide us a flux capcitor in a sweet Delorean so we can jam back to three years ago, two months ago, or one night ago to forego the shame and anguish that comes with marijuana drug testing, not to mention the insane stress it carries with it.

Having to piss in a cup is bad enough when you have nothing to worry about–but you couple that humiliation with uncertainty and now you have a formula for a personal crisis; a total drug test meltdown.

The worst part is knowing that the guy in the cubicle next to you is a total boozehound who pounds a fifth of scotch as soon as he walks through his front door–he’ll pass a drug test just fine even though he shows up late to work, smells like a bar, and performs at levels you could accomplish in your sleep.

So what are we to do? In a country where even the permanently disabled are now required to pass a drug test for government assistance, you just HAVE to be able to pass a drug test no matter what. It’s stupid and unfair, but what’s the alternative? Are you gonna join the Occupy movement and live off the land? Probably not gonna work out, sad to say.

I’m eager to hear your thoughts on this issue. Tell me what you think about passing a drug test for weed. Is it fair, not fair, undecided, or do you wish you had a giant flux capacitor like I do that could take us all back in time so we wouldn’t have to freak out about drug tests?

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Workaholics Piss and S**t episode: There is a better way guys!

Posted on January 22, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
Workaholics Piss and S**t Episode pass a drug test

Pass your drug test without trading ninja stars for weewee and hang on to some iota of dignity.

The premiere episode of Workaholics immediately illustrates that the name of this show is an ironic misnomer to say the least. That is to say, unless you are willing to work like a field hand or longshoreman to find clean urine with which to pass a drug test after partying yourself to the brink of near death the previous evening.

But what I absolutely friggin’ adore about this episode is not how hilarious the lengths these guys go to for urine to sub with to pass a drug test–it’s the fact that what they’re doing is seriously not all that far fetched. Offering a middle schooler firecrackers and porn for clean pee? Trust me guys, I’ve heard true to life stories at least this nuts as a drug forum moderator. People begging their kids for pee before the go off to elementary school in the morning, one guy even asked a neighbor for urine… in a neighborhood he had lived in for three days. Someone else (these are true stories, not snippets of Workaholics) tried to “scoop some pee out before the toilet flushed all the way” when his pregnant girlfriend walked away from the can. You can’t make this kind of crap up. Truth is stranger than fiction when it comes to people trying to figure out how to pass a drug test.

Poor souls, my God, settle down. Second-party clean pee is not the only way, or even the easiest way to pass a drug test. My Lord, before you go trying to scare up urine around town, just get a cleanser. It’s really funny to watch these people struggle on TV, but in real life, it’s downright humiliating… well, kinda funny for onlookers, but seriously, order a permanent cleanser to pass a piss test if you have about five days or so until your test, and get a same day detoxer if your drug test is sooner.

Make sure you get a detox drink or cleansing tablets from a reliable source that doesn’t use masking agents in their products–labs nowadays are testing for these in addition to testing for drugs.

Stop bartering nudey pics for peepee and get in touch with PassADrugTest.com you silly stoners!

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What the heck is a Detox Store?

Posted on January 10, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
detox stores

This ain't you--and you need to detox differently.

You all asked, so you shall receive! Many of you have been asking me what a detox store is. Well, there are lots of answers to that question. There are stores you can walk into to buy detox products, but these are mainly head shops where masking agents are sold, or places where jocks go to buy the latest and greatest way to conceal their steroid use.

If you’re looking for a real detox store, you need to be looking online, especially if you are looking for a weed detox or a way to pass a drug test that will work for everyday people, not Manny Pacquiao.

A lot of people who come to me are just trying to pass simple pre-employment drug tests and the occasional random drug test from their employer. They don’t need super powers to do this, but what they do need are proper drug test facts and know-how, followed by the proper product to cleanse if they need it.

You have to be careful with online detox stores too–a lot of these guys are pushing products that mask THC or other toxins, and nowadays, lots of labs are testing for masking agents. So you have to make damn sure that the product you are buying doesn’t contain masking agents–you have to be sure that what it does is to keep toxins out of your urine for the duration of the time you have to pass your drug test.

Most of us know when our drug test will be, so if you’re prepared ahead of time, you can take the right detox product and pass your drug test with no issues–it’s how celebrities pass drug tests all the time. But even if you have a random drug test sprung on you last minute, there are ways to pass FAST–but you need to have your emergency same day cleanser on hand to do this, so I suggest if you are a regular smoker to invest in this now before you regret not making a paycheck later.

Beyond that, I think having to know how to pass a drug test at all is not cool. I mean, if you work hard at your job, or if you’re looking for a job and have a good resume, and no track record of being a crappy employee, why should you have to jump through these hoops? But alas, that’s a huge question we’ll have to tackle across several other posts.

Good luck to all you test takers out there, and as always, I love hearing your feedback!

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Celebs Now Smoking “Spice” to Pass a Drug Test

Posted on January 3, 2012 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
buy wicked spice

Rihanna buying Spice in LA

Well I figured something like this was coming down the pike, and you all know how much we look to hiphop artists and other famous musicians to take our cues from… okay, well that was a little tongue in cheek, but the kids around the world sure do. So now that passing a drug test has become a chore that could keep a celeb in or out of jail, cancel a recording contract, or have other devastating ramifications, many of them have turned to smoking what is being referred to as “spice.” My oh my, this is a problem.

Some of the celebs in question who have admitted to smoking spice, like Miley Cyrus, and others who are rumored to be smoking spice like Kid Cudi, Rihanna, Lil Wayne, and Kristen Stewart, are doing so for fun–the kind of fun that goes undetected in a typical drug test.

So why is this a problem? It’s called a name as general as “spice” for a reason–one never knows what it could actually contain, how it is treated, manicured, preserved, etc., and frankly, there’s no way to know the source of the spice in question. What one rap star gets at a head shop in Los Angeles isn’t going to be the same spice another celebrity gets in Manhattan, and so on. This is not yet a classified narcotic, and therefor you could LITERALLY be smoking anything.

Some news reports indicate that some vendors of spice, especially those overseas, have had their products lab tested by investigators to find a number of extremely harmful chemicals in them. Everything from formaldehyde to bleach, ammonia, and more.

To me, this is sending a dangerous message to our youngsters–can’t pass a drug test for marijuana? No problem, just smoke some of this totally random herb and you’ll pass your test. But the subtext is, what’s it doing to your organs, your brain, and so on–is it a depressant, a stimulant, something else? Who knows?!

One thing is for sure, it isn’t homegrown weed. And while marijuana doesn’t currently enjoy legality in most instances, when it comes from a dispensary or other safe place, it’s certainly safer on the human body that what’s behind door number two.

Don’t let the powers that be scare you into smoking or otherwise consuming something that could be permanently detrimental to your health. Do what’s best and be prepared to pass a drug test at all times. It’s cheaper, easier, smarter, and your body will thank you for not ingesting poisons. That’s my two cents!

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Life & Times of Tim Drug Test Episode

Posted on December 26, 2011 by DrugTestDave| Leave a comment
pass a random drug test with a same day cleanser

Tim, The Boss, and the guys humbled by their random drug test

The animated HBO hit “The Life and Times of Tim” has gone largely unnoticed by many, but those who like this show love it, and I am one of them. So when I saw the episode where The Boss takes the guys who work for him out on the town, smokes pot with them, and then tries to get them all out of having to take a drug test the very next day, I was in hog heaven.

What makes this episode so classic is that it shows stuff that actually happens in workplaces where cubicles and worthless meetings abound. Office chairs and the smell of Subway sandwiches wafting through the air, the Swingline stapler that everyone steals from one another, and yes, the secret love of pot and the secret fear of ever having to pass a random drug test.

It’s part of our culture, but it’s one of those things–if you can’t laugh at it, you’ll never survive it. Like Tim, many of us have or have had a guy like The Boss in our lives–he wants to be “one of the regular folks” but winds up sticking out like a sore thumb because, quite simply, he’s the boss and no one else is on his level, so they’re in constant fear they could do or say something wrong (“I distinctly heard niggity!”)

The random drug test Maureen administers the morning after is a classic case of office irony–you rarely indulge, the one time you do it’s because of coercion from coworkers and your boss, and then bam, drug test! It’s funny because it’s true! Watch this show, and always pass a drug test by having a same day cleanser on hand. Tim agrees–it’s better than losing your job even if your boss makes you skat.

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Daily Show takes Florida Gov. Rick Scott to task… hilarious and eye-opening

Posted on December 12, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 3 Comments

Daily Show correspondent Aasif Mandvi took Florida Governor Rick Scott to task by asking him for a urine sample at a press conference recently. The ever-forward Mandvi disrupted the proceedings quite vociferously… asking the Gov if he wouldn’t mind taking a urine test, just you know, to make sure he can pass a drug test the same way he expects everyone who needs state assistance to do. The hilarious part, beyond Mandvi’s relentless execution, is that the joke about drug testing for welfare has so far found that less than two percent of those tested for the Florida welfare program have tested positive for ANY drug at all.

According to IBT, “The state is required to reimburse Florida residents for the cost of the $30 drug tests. Since only about 2 percent of welfare recipients have failed drug tests, the Tampa Tribune reports the state will owe between $28,800 to $43,200 in reimbursements per month, assuming 1,000 to 1,500 applicants are tested. Over a 12-month period, the state will only save $60,000, at most, on rejected welfare applicants, a puny savings for a program that state analysts have predicted will cost $178 million this fiscal year.”

Yeah, this sounds like a really worthwhile pursuit. Whether Rick can pass a drug test or not is kind of beside the point. The point is that he was just made a laughing stock on national TV for all the right reasons. Drug testing people for something they have a legal right to as citizens is unconstitutional. If you don’t agree, you’re arguing with facts, not my opinion.

Let me here from you–what do you think about Aasif Mandvi’s actions at the press conference with Rick Scott?

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Miley Cyrus and the Stoner Stereotype

Posted on November 27, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 2 Comments
pass a drug test

Workin' hard, not hardly working.

Miley Cyrus is nearing twenty years of age, and the days of denying her use of marijuana are far behind her… all the way back in 2010. But while Cyrus did make a comment about her Bob Marley birthday cake being a sure sign that her friends think she smokes too much weed, there is something to be said for this pot-smoking dynamo.

Miley’s good friend Kelly Osborne stated, “if Miley isn’t recording/filming/touring, she works every day. How could she possibly do all that if she was a stoner?” Could this comment be a contradictory statement that kills the “stoner” stereotype? We know for a fact that Miley no longer denies usng marijuana, and we know for a fact that she is a hard worker, pumping out movies, songs, clothing lines, and much more.

Could it be that someone who smokes marijuana isn’t a lazy do-nothing? Of course. It may not be the best choice for everyone, but for those who use marijuana responsibly, it’s really no different than responsibly drinking wine or having a few cocktails.

The issue for those of us who are not entertainment moguls is that most of us have to pass a drug test for employment, regardless of whether we’re working at a coffee shop, for the military, if we’re teamsters or even hair dressers.

While it may no longer be the big bad wolf the way it was during the days of filmstrips about the dangers of marijuana cigarettes, smoking pot is still an outlaw affair if you want to keep your job.

But with every popularly perceived evil, there is an antidote. And that’s why if you want to maintain your liberties and freedoms, you’ll also need to make sure you can pass a drug test… because liberty and justice don’t pay the bills.

To quote Miley, “There’s always gonna be another mountain,” we agree. But if you like “The Climb,” then you better be prepared for the urine drug test you’ll have to take afterwards.

Freedom isn’t free, but it’s definitely for sale.

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Rihanna Visits a Cannabis Cafe… And?

Posted on November 19, 2011 by DrugTestDave| 2 Comments
Rihanna at cannabis club

"Rude Girl" isn't slang for offensive celebrity.

Recently during her European tour, Rihanna was seen at the Bulldog Café in Amsterdam. For moms and dads out there who haven’t gotten the memo yet, Rihanna isn’t a role model for young girls. But why should she be? I mean, nevermind cannabis, do you really want your tween running down the halls singing “what’s my name” to all the boys?

The media spin of her visit to a “pot club” has been interesting. Articles suggest that–up til now–Rihanna has been the vestige of all that is pure and good for our young generation of girls. Really? Why? We’ll give her props for standing against domestic violence by breaking up with Chris Brown, but beyond that, if you’re looking for a Mickey Mouse Club type (and, ahem, we see how that plan worked out) Rihanna shouldn’t even be on your radar.

The fact that she’s being vilified for her jaunt into the Bulldog has me wondering what parents out there are most concerned about. Marijuana should be responsibly legislated, legalized, taxed, and end of story. But that would still make Rihanna quite eligible, certainly in Amsterdam! She’s now in her mid-20s, not her mid-teens. I’d personally be much more concerned about my daughter taking a liking to Brit-Brit or her little sis–who got pregnant at 16. I’d be much more concerned if my daughter was a fan of Bristol Palin, the Bush twins, or had taken up listening to music that belittles and objectifies women. I’d be much more concerned if my kids wanted to be like Amy Winehouse, Lil’ Wayne, or any other hot star right now… because these are adults or people put in adult position due to their stardom.

It’s not the job of celebrities–be they musicians, actors, dancers, or whatever–to be the role models of our children. Our children need solid guidance, and that doesn’t come from celebs. And sadly, the chances that our kiddos are going to be into Michael Buble or Sandra Bullock are pretty slim.

Adults making adult choices. Choosing to use marijuana responsibly is no different than choosing to drink alcohol responsibly. KEYWORD: responsibly. Kids are kids, and we have to teach them about and protect them from adult things like sex, drugs, booze, and more. We also have to teach them that adults are allowed to make choices–because they are adults.

So if Rihanna wants to visit a cannabis cafe, unless she has to pass a drug test for some reason, who cares. She’s not on some panel for a better America, and she’s sure never portrayed herself as someone fighting the drug war for America.

Have your say: Do you think celebrities should be in the dog house if they can’t pass a drug test? Should we expect musicians and actors to “be on good behavior” if they smoke marijuana? Does one visit to a cannabis club make a Charlie Sheen out of Rihanna? Should celebs whose demographic includes kids and teens be made to pass a drug test as part of their contracts? You be the judge–tell me what you think!

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